


somewhere in the stars

by enbyflorenzi



Category: They Both Die at the End - Adam Silvera
Genre: Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Second Chances, Soulmates, they don't die at the end
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:55:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28922466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enbyflorenzi/pseuds/enbyflorenzi
Summary: mateo and rufus have a new chance to be happy in a second life. but what happens when they don't remember their past life?
Relationships: Rufus Emeterio/Mateo Torrez
Kudos: 11





	1. the finish line is too far from home

**Author's Note:**

> "you broke my heart and healed at the same time, seriously [screams] [swearing] hate u sm!!!!!"
> 
> That was the beautiful opinion of a friend of mine who I sent the first chapters of this history, so why not post here too, right?

**MATEO TORREZ**

**"There is a hand holding my shoulder, the touch warming my skin that was shaking. It was a familiar touch, I felt it somehow.**

**—** **He doesn't want you here, okay?**

**The disappointment grew like a chill, stopping at the ribs before I realized I wasn't listening to the sound of the voice as I should have.**

**It was a muffled sound, as if I was swimming under the water.**

**As if it was sinking slowly.**   
**I raised my eyes trying to find out who it was."**

— Mateo! You'll be late again! — My father's soft but firm voice echoed down the hall indicating that he was coming toward my room. I stared at the ceiling trying to find out what the end of that dream would be. 

— Again?

He asked as soon as opened the door, looking at me carefully in the gaze that was even palpable. I nodded.

— It's just your imagination, son. You were always very creative, no?  
— But since I was a child? Papa, these dreams can't be just my imagination!  
— And what would it be?  
— Past lives? Premonition? I don't know!  
— Okay, okay, smart guy. Save your premonition and get up that you are already late. 

I sighed, getting up and putting my glasses to get ready as fast as possible since I wouldn't win that argument anyway or that I wouldn't convince him. The clock in the kitchen marked seven on the dot when I sat down to eat, would be really late and certainly take a warning. 

— I left the grocery lists on the table, don't forget to take them, okay? — With a mouth full of cereal, I nodded with my head and saw him smiling before putting on his leather shoes, which for some unknown reason he had managed to buy. The size of the lists wasn't really equivalent to our money, my father was just a big fan of lists. And to organize things in alphabetical order.

As soon as my dad left for work, the house was empty and silent again since I could hear my own steps when I also left in quick steps towards school. It didn't take as long as I thought it would, ten minutes I was already being greeted by Lidia's scream waiting for me at the gate.

— This is the last time I'll wait for you. — Lidia said crossing her arms, and I laughed because every day she said the same thing. 

— You wish. 

Oh god. I hated school. The corridors were full and there was a certain agglomeration in the middle of the yard, I frowned when trying to understand what was happening, but the anxiety forced me to move away and look for a quieter corner and without so many people. Lidia, who had distanced herself to know what had happened, returned with a neutral expression, but carrying something hidden there. 

— I think we can go home now. Marie received a call and apparently ran away so there's no class today.

— Death-cast? — She nodded. 

— I still need to go to the market, you can go ahead. — She nodded again and distanced herself carrying her backpack, before I could turn my feet and walk towards the exit gate, Lidia's voice echoed through the empty, silent corridor. I turned around, finding the same strange face as if she was keeping a dangerous secret. 

— Don't forget to sleep properly. You look like shit.

— Oh, Lidia! I love you too! 

She laughed before she went for real. I watched her for a few minutes thinking Lidia was literally my first and only friend since childhood, and that at first I was a little jealous. It was not on purpose, she always said and did everything she wanted as if life was never going to have an end, and I was never like that. I don't think I've ever really lived without knowing what could be good in life, and I must admit that it scared me a little. 

The road to the market was taken by my earphones screaming Billy Joel at the last volume. I grabbed the list, quickly reading each single ingredient before putting them on the cart. 

— Man, you really owe me one this time. — It was the only voice I heard in the silence between one song and another. My fingers were shaking again as I removed the headphones with my mind screaming. It was the same voice of my dream. 

Even without the clarity in all of them, I was sure it was the same voice. The muffled sound in my dreams wasn't enough to make me confused so I rushed the steps trying to find who was talking. My feet stopped in front of the market door, watching a boy leave. Something told me to run, to make him stop at least a little bit, but it was already too late when I saw him running and lost sight. 

I would never reach the finish line. 


	2. fire on fire

**RUFUS EMETERIO**

It was the second time that I was doing the replacement of food in the pratiers when it should have been the work of Tagoe, who was sitting at the cashier messing with the phone. Mainly because had no customers besides a boy that he saw passing to the canned session, I shrugged and continued my work. 

ㅡ Aimée sent a message now.   
ㅡ So? ㅡ Their relationship was like "we'll be done today-we'll be back in a few hours when she calls me" so I already knew the direction of that conversation.   
ㅡ She wants to talk. Just talk.   
ㅡ Are you going after work?   
ㅡ No. Lucky for me I have the best friend in the world, right?   
Bingo. I laugh at such lack of shame.  
ㅡ Go before I change my mind. 

I left the products that were still to be put in the fridge in a separate corner, going towards the chair now empty, sitting and watching Tagoe tidying up his hair. 

ㅡ Man, you really owe me one this time! ㅡ As if to change something, he left in quick steps towards the door. Another presence became noticeable as he ran in the straight of the door, standing there watching Tagoe run down the street as if he had just seen a ghost. 

Shit. The feeling had returned stronger than ever, it was as if my chest was on pure heat. Burning little by little.   
The headphones crawled on the floor until I realized the kid was still standing, until he took three steps toward the door in a conflict about leaving or staying. 

ㅡ Hey, you can't take that without paying. ㅡ The tomato sauce can fell instantly when my voice sounded. The undecided steps stopped as they turned towards me, the pair of eyes full of tears ㅡ that I doubt he had any idea about their existence.

No one had ever looked at me that way. I had received many looks, of pity, of anger, of contempt, of sadness, but never that look that made my chest conflict in seconds. 

Eye in the eye. Just like fire on fire.

Seconds later he let a laugh escape, adjusting himself by forcing himself to stop acting strange and fixed the glasses on his face. 

ㅡ I'm sorry, I didn't mean to steal or anything.   
ㅡ No, it's okay. Just make sure you didn't dent the can before you put it in the cart.

I saw him nod before he disappeared from my sight. Strangely enough, my body was still shaking for some unknown and unprecedented reason.

ㅡ Ok, this is going to sound strange, but can you tell me your name?

The boy's voice made me look up at him. Was he flirting or trying to make a friend? God, I wanted to inform that I was not good for any of the options.

ㅡ Rufus, Rufus Emeterio.   
ㅡ Nice to meet you, Rufus.   
ㅡ And you...  
ㅡ Oh! Mateo, Mateo Torrez.   
ㅡ It's nice to meet you too, Mateo.

A smile grew on my face, and strangely on his too. For some reason, it felt right.

Too damn right.


	3. no plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ta-da! surprise!

**RUFUS ETEMERIO**

The red headphones were no longer crawling on the floor, the well-known anxious look left the supermarket a few minutes after we talked. Incredibly, Mateo still kept an open book — with funny and complex variants. Honestly, I was surprised by my ability to stay calm with my heart breaking in the middle of homesickness, as if I could undo myself in millions of little pieces, exploding like Venus so he could take a little piece and take it home along with the groceries. 

As a guarantee that he wouldn't forget me. And I wanted to laugh, I even caught myself laughing when he left and the place became empty thinking that I was dying of fear of him forgetting me in this life.

The figure of Tagoe and Aimee took me out of the thoughts that slowly drowned me. Aimee's expression quickly turned into a mixture of worry and pity.

— He came here, didn't he?  
— Who?   
— Mateo.  
— Oh. Fuck. — Tagoe's reaction made me laugh, he had an expression that said "the-soulmate-of him-who-reborn-came-here????" and I didn't need to say much or explain when they offered to stay in my place. Lazily, I returned home. 

And when I say home, I mean Anthony's basement, but honestly, I could never complain about having only one mattress on the floor because at that point in life, one mattress was more than enough. 

— You came early. — Anthony said, frowning when he saw me in pajamas lying with the light only of the lamp. I murmured a "yes" and he returned to frown, turning on the light.

Seriously, what is this guy's problem? 

— What happened? Are you okay? Did they hurt you?  
— I'm fine, Mom.   
— Rufus!  
— Really, I'm fine. Nothing happened.   
— Rufus, don't bullshit me. 

He said, the serious tone and about to lose the patience that he never had. I sighed, sitting because I knew he would not let me sleep in peace.

— He was in the store today, went for groceries. — Should have been holding a camera and recording the day because Anthony's reaction was worthy of an Oscar.   
— Did you guys talk?   
— Kind of? He looked like he was going to panic at any moment so I had no other choice.   
— Of course you have a choice! Rufus, come on!  
— Drop it.  
— Do you want to tell me that even after years of knowing the truth, you don't want to drop all this and tell him the truth?

I nodded because the words failed me at that time, I felt them in my throat bubbling like a soup of alphabet. Anthony sighed, the disappointment was tangible, but I thanked him mentally for not insisting anymore on that subject knowing the end he would have. 

Both die in the end. Or knows if there was the other plan.

**MATEO TORREZ**

**Lidia**   
**(18:38)**

we need 2 talk. 

Oh. God.   
The impression of having done something wrong fell on my shoulders, weighing me down every second so that I took the courage to answer the message. I looked in every corner of the room and secretly looked for a camera installed because the possibility that someone — my father or Lidia, saw me freak out or saying Rufus' name at least twenty times was very big. 

**Me**   
**(18:43)**

did i did something wrong? 

**Lidia**   
**(18:43)**

i don't know?  
ok just kidding   
calm down!

I needed some new friends who wouldn't give me a heart attack at every message. 

**Me**   
**(18:45)**

maybe I did?  
so you will tell me or-  
because you've been a little weird since yesterday, should i be worried? 

No answer showed up on the phone screen, not even when I stared waiting for some sign of life. Nothing until my father's voice sounded from downstairs.

— Lidia is here! — I shouted a "I'm going" while secretly or not so secretly freaking out inside. I walked down the stairs as if I were going over a bridge full of alligators, one false step and I was screwed. As soon as I arrived in the room, Lidia was sitting with her back turned to me and her gaze fixed on the floor. I sat in front of her and frowned when I noticed her red nose, as if she had cried for hours.

The fear had returned with everything, maybe she had received a death-cast call? maybe she was changing cities? maybe she didn't want to walk with me anymore? maybe-

— I am pregnant. 

The words sounded so clean that desperation even touched my skin when I looked at her, the tears falling and making habitation in her chin that trembled with the crying. Without even thinking twice, I hugged Lidia and without knowing it, I had also hugged the trembling sobs that came afterwards. 

I did not know what to say. Congratulations? I'm sorry? Who is the father? Do you want to?

— You're thinking so loud you didn't even realize you asked four questions in two seconds. — She said as dried the tears, separating us from the hug when saw her laugh weak.   
— Sorry.  
— Christian is the father. — As if it wasn't clear yet, Lidia smiled even as she said his name. But there was something wrong with the smile that used to shine, now it seemed faded.   
— The damn death-cast called him today. 

_Oh_. 

— Oh. - It was the only possible reaction.   
— You're going to tell him, aren't you?   
She denied it by looking at her own belly.   
— Lid, you have to tell him.  
— And for what? He's gonna die, Mateo, and I'll be alone!  
— Hey, of course you won't. Lidia, listen to me.

She raised her eyes and stared at me as if she was willing to fight, and I knew she would do it if she had to. 

— You won't be alone, do you hear me? Not now, not in ten years when this baby is going to school and making you feel old.  
— I might not even see this baby grow. 

It was a possibility, of course it was, but not to be discussed so soon. 

— I promise you will, Lid.   
— How can you promise that, Mateo? You don't know anything about life and you want to promise me this shit?

Touche.  
As soon as the words came out of her mouth, regret grew until it shone in her eyes. I just nodded because even though it wasn't a lie, something had squeezed inside my chest because the cards were played that way suddenly. 

— I think I should go now. He's probably waiting for me. 

We said goodbye before she got into the cab, the steps back home were tortuous with the hope that something would happen. Something that would change my life forever. But nothing happened. And I was used to the tears that wet my face but I was aware that they weren't for Lidia's words. So, what was the reason? 

What was the reason why my heart was burning and tearing me apart for nothing. For no one. For something or someone that was not even mine.


	4. someone new

**MATEO TORREZ**

Lidia gave me no answer for at least a week. The silence extended with the grief and the need she had to be alone at that moment, even calling and sending messages I knew she didn't wanted company at that moment. If she accepted, then she would admit to herself what had happened. Christian had passed away. Cruel and unfair, but he had died.

The same night she told me about being pregnant, she called me before bed exactly as we used to do when we were kids. Lidia was three and a half months, without intention my imagination grow and take my mind completely making me smile with the possibility of being an uncle. Penny Vargas. Wasn't even born, but already had my heart in her hands. 

The weight on my conscience fell under my shoulders when I remembered that I hadn't told her about meeting Rufus. How would I say that?

"So, you know those dreams I had when I was a kid, I kind of met the kid and now I'm going to his work every day." God, it sounded pathetic. Was I pathetic for actually going after someone I didn't even know? 

Anyway, I wouldn't be caught. 

**RUFUS EMETERIO**

— Seriously, the whole city decided to do some shopping right here? — I listened to Tagoe's voice while carrying heavy boxes full of milk bottles, putting them in the refrigerator. The store was full and the line to the cashier just grew bigger and bigger, I sighed thinking that I would probably get home right after closing the store, almost at dawn. 

**The Plutos**   
**(16:35)**

**Malcolm:** Can someone bring another box of milk?  
 **Malcolm:** This is the fifth time this guy come to buy milk wtf

The phone vibrated against the iron counter, I looked quickly before returning to serve customers. The phone returned to vibrate.

**The Plutos**   
**(16:40)**

**Malcolm:** Jesus Fucking Christ  
 **Tagoe:** Can you stop playing at work for five seconds?   
**Malcolm:** Dude  
 **Malcolm:** Call Rufus now  
 **Malcolm:** NOW  
 **Me:** I'm working, shut up  
 **Malcolm:** Roof, your boy is here. And please tell him to stop coming to buy milk every day or we will have to open a factory. 

  
Before I could write or ask anything in the group, my attention was fixed on the customer who was leaving, giving way to the other. It was him. 

Mateo was carrying a bottle of milk in his hands and I wanted to laugh with Malcolm's message, I didn't know he had bought all that milk during the week. 

— Hi.

He said, playing with his fingers against the icy glass, apparently nervous. 

— Hey! Debit or credit?  
— I'll pay cash.  
— Yo, you want to cause our bankruptcy?  
— What?  
— You're buying all our milk!

The face took a reddish color and I laughed, the lips broke in an attempt to make up an excuse, before he actually said something a tuned voice sounded.

— Hey! Can you go faster? there are people who need to work!

Matteo turned to look at the other client.

— I'm sorry, I'm already leaving.  
— Here. — I extended the bag with the bottle of milk inside, he took it and before leaving, I held the bag and he looked at me confused.   
— As soon as you leave, look inside the bag. 

  
And I winked. My number was written on a little paper inside. 

**"You don't need to come to the store every day, Mateo.**

**Send me a message if you want to talk about something."**

**MATEO TORREZ**

Okay. Maybe I got caught.


	5. can we just talk

**MATEO & RUFUS**

**Mateo**

**(10:25)**

I didn't know if it was really to send a message, but hi :)

**Rufus**   
**(10:26)**

And it took two days to decide this?

**Mateo**   
**(10:30)**

I can't believe you counted the days  
Bye, I'm blocking you

**Rufus**   
**(10:35)**

Of course I did, I told you to send me a message, didn't I?  
Anyway, shouldn't you be at school? 

**Mateo**   
**(10:35)**

But I am  
It's biology class (help me)

**Rufus**   
**(10:37)**

I'm so sorry for you

**Mateo**   
**(10:41)**

Shouldn't you be too?   
It's still Thursday

**Rufus**   
**(10:45)**

I dropped school last year.   
Do u want to come over today? 

**Mateo**   
**(10:46)**

YES  
Arr I mean  
Yeah, it'll be cool. 


	6. the mess is mine

**RUFUS ETEMERIO**

"Stop being an idiot and take advantage that you had a second chance."

Anthony's words were repeated in my mind several times before I actually received Mateo's message. I really wanted, from the heart, to ignore and just keep pretending that I didn't recognize him. It was too late.   
That same afternoon, I sat on the bench in front of the store waiting for him. Mateo's silhouette disturbed and rushed, making me get up to greet him - which had the air of strange and formal. 

— So no more buying milk today?

The playful tone was the only way to try to make things less strange. He laughed and denied it with his head.

— What are we going to do today?   
— I thought you had something in mind.  
— Like?  
— I don't know, you're the one who called me! Which is weird because I could be a serial killer and you calling me out.   
— Mateo, no serial killer would spend the whole week buying milk just to talk to a boy.   
— I never said it was just to talk to you.  
— Sure, anything that makes you sleep at night.

In the late afternoon, we ended up walking around town — and even looking at places I'd never seen before, then we stopped at the Taco store. The hours passed quickly and the night gave the first signs of life. Every detail and things I didn't know, things I hadn't heard the first time or that were kept and Mateo only said that day amidst laughter and jokes. 

**MATEO TORREZ**

The day was coming to an end and I didn't want to say goodbye or even go home, but my father would have a heart attack if I disappeared the rest of the night. 

— I kind of have to go now, Anthony just covered my day shift and the night shift is mine.   
— Oh, okay. Let's do that again sometime or when you have the day off.  
— Monday. 

He said, getting up and winking. He had just winked at me and I surprisingly hadn't died? Lidia would have loved to have seen that. 

— Where do you want to go on Monday?   
— I don't know. Surprise me, Torrez.

Oh, great. I don't even leave home on normal days — or the days before I met Rufus. 

When he turned his back to leave, I could have sworn something shone. Maybe it was the sun, maybe it was the landscape, but I preferred to believe it was just Rufus Etemerio and all the luggage he had inside him. 

— Hey! — With the blood running on my face, I felt my own body burning with shame for the sudden act. Rufus turned, looking directly at me with frowned eyebrows and wondering why I called. It was comical because I didn't know the reason either. 

— What?!  
— Nothing, sorry. 

Maybe I wanted to look at him one last time before I went home, before I wanted to run away or ruin everything. 

We looked one last time before the sunset disappeared. 


	7. we can make it so divine

**MATEO TORREZ**

**MONDAY**

"Finally!" I hear his voice muffled, struggling to keep my vision clear even though I was wearing glasses, but all blurred. Rufus is looking at me with eyes full of expectations, but also for an explicit happiness after kissing.  
  
I think we both waited for this moment from the beginning. He's leaning over to kiss me now, I close my eyes thinking I'm grateful to be alive now.  
  
I'm extremely grateful to be living in this moment now".  
  
The dream was interrupted by the sound of the alarm clock, forcing me to regain consciousness.  
  
Shit. What the fuck happened?  
In years, I had never had a dream so clear that I could see and hear his voice like that. Of feeling happiness running on my skin until I realized that it was his hands.  
  
Rufus.  
  
I picked up the phone, cursing the alarm clock before really turning it off. An idea came to my mind and I didn't intend to leave even so soon.  
  
Me  
(05:46)  
  
Hey  
Today there is a party (I think it is a party) at night. At my school.  
If you want to go, I can pick you up  
  
Before courage left my body, the answer came almost instantly.  
  
Rufus  
(05:47)  
  
Do you want me to go?  
  
Me  
(05:47)  
  
Yes.  
  
Rufus  
(05:48)  
  
So yes.  
Meet me at the store?  
  
I typed a quick "yeah sure" before I got up and apparently forgot I didn't have class that day because it was a holiday. Also didn't had the possibility to go back to sleep after I talked to him. Fortunately my father had already left for work or he would have witnessed a nervous breakdown.  
  


20:03

The cold of the streets didn't even come close to how much my body was burning while waiting for Rufus. Three minutes late and this was rewarded when he arrived in quick and hasty steps holding two cups of coffee. 

ㅡ I'm so sorry, I stopped to buy coffee because it's too cold but it took longer than expected to get here. 

The rolled up speech denouncing the rush and nervousness for a second I identified myself, smiling when I grabbed the glass from my left hand. 

ㅡ It's ok, you didn't need it.   
ㅡ I wanted to. Do you want to go now? 

Honestly, I didn't want to. I wanted to sit there on the bench talking to him until tomorrow, I wanted to scream that I remembered him. That my heart was already a little bit of him before I even knew. 

I nodded. It wasn't long before we got to the place, I wasn't exactly surprised by the decor and by that point the coffee was over, giving way to the drinks. 

_The drink you spilt all over me_   
_Lover's Spit' left on repeat_   
_My mom and dad let me stay home_   
_It drives you crazy getting old_

The soft voice of the Lord's song, which I didn't even know the name, but I was surprised by Rufus who was singing silently beside me. 

I watched him in silence, trying to regain the consciousness that I needed to pretend not to know. That I needed to act as if everything was fine. 

ㅡ Hey, are you okay? ㅡ His hand was on my shoulder and I wanted to run away because I felt on the edge of everything. I shrugged my head off, raising my gaze to face the explicit concern in his bright eyes. 

ㅡ Words, Teo. Words.

It was the end. I held his hand, pulling him into a quieter room that wasn't crowded. The traces of blue neon light radiated from the room when we entered. 

ㅡ Damn, Torrez! I didn't know you were a complete cliché. 

If nervousness wasn't making my stomach turn, I certainly would have laughed at the expression Rufus had on his face. I stared at him, my pupils reflecting the blue light like a star shining in the sky. 

ㅡ Can I do one thing? ㅡ The seconds of courage were coming to an end, I could feel it in my body that trembled with the possibility of getting closer than we were. He nodded, but it wasn't enough. 

ㅡ Words, Rufus. Words. 

He laughed at the reference. 

ㅡ Yes. 

With the audible confirmation and no possibility of misunderstanding, I took three steps toward him until Rufus' breath mixed with mine, he didn't even walk away or seem scared. 

ㅡ I waited for you to appear with a neon light in your head or a noisy marching band.   
ㅡ What? ㅡ The frightened look that seemed to get alarmed every second. Rufus took a few steps back and I already missed the proximity.   
ㅡ It's you. ㅡ I said without the slightest concern of making sense. His gaze seemed to burn my skin when I stared at him, the palpable confusion. 

ㅡ I remember you, Rufus. I remember now. 

The wooden chair he was sitting on was pushed back in a sudden movement, the despair weighing on his shoulders like an anvil. 

ㅡ You can't! Mateo, no.  
ㅡ I can't what?   
ㅡ Shit. You can't do this!  
ㅡ Hey? What are you talking about?   
ㅡ Listen to me, please, forget everything. Forget about what happened. Forget about me. ㅡ His voice carrying a suffering unknown to me was tearing through his chest with the need to embrace him.

To try to make his tears cease. 

ㅡ I can't do that, I'm sorry, Rufus. 

The silence for the first time bothered me. Rufus sat back in his chair without looking at me for three full minutes. 

ㅡ I kept missing you even though I didn't even know who you were. Every night I kept wondering who that voice was, who that touch that made me feel so close to home belonged to. 

ㅡ I always missed you, Rufus. 

Not even the blue light was able to hide the surprise ㅡ and happiness when my whole interior warmed up when Rufus held me in his arms. Not even when our breath became just one when he kissed me incessantly. 

And again. And again. And again. 

Shining in the dark like constellations.


End file.
